WTF is Surrender?

Some days I feel like crying but it’s not all bad. I feel sad, I feel overwhelmed. I have an ever apparent lump in my throat- but it’s not about my life.

It’s about the world and the complexity of it all. I feel overheleming gratitude, at the same time as the sadness. I feel powerlessness but also an incredible force within me at the same time.

I think this conflict comes from feeling myself both as an individual and as a part of something much bigger than myself at the same time. When I feel like trying to change things as the small, earthly fleck of a human being that I am, I feel so hopeless.

But when I tap into the undercurrent inside me, when I get quiet and I feel connected, then I feel like things are infinitely possible.

I can see why there is so much anxiety, because in my world, trying to force and DO makes me feel less powerful. The more I realize that surrendering to instinct and paying attention to the signs and guidance right in front of my face, the more hope and peace I feel.

This doesn’t mean I believe in doing nothing. It means the doing comes from a less feverish place. It comes from a deep well of knowledge with a very carefully laid out plan that I just can’t see in its entirety yet.

There was a time when I thought giving up my individual plans to just go with life as it comes to me made me feel very anxious. How could I have the assurance that I could become everything that I want for myself in this life time if I don’t exert force?

How can I achieve if I don’t grind?

I think the desperate energy that goes along with all of that ALWAYS puts a big halt on progress and leaves you spinning your wheels in the mud. From my experience, every single time I’ve let go of the desperate attachment to how things should be, and the exact path I felt I should take towards something I wanted, things started to show up on their own and everything started to fall into place and align as if it were magic.

Who knows why we always forget that surrender isn’t giving up, who knows why we always go back to tensing up all of our muscles as the default.

All I know is that there is a shift in the air. And as nervous as I am to start opening up about this side of me- and all the “woo-woo” (which by the way, science is really starting to support)- I know it’s for the good and I’m compelled to do it.

“Surrender isn’t about being passive, it’s about being open”

-Danielle LaPorte



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What ZERO Alcohol Has Taught Me About Life

This past January (2016), I really called into question the immense amount of influence that alcohol had on my life. Now that I’m ~8 months into full sobriety (read pregnancy), I’m starting to notice some things that really scare me.

I grew up around alcohol. I grew up around alcoholics. It was pretty normal for me to smell booze on my parents breath when they put me to bed- a smell that I’m now growing to hate.

I don’t want to sit on my high horse and become all judgmental about drinking, because I personally have abused alcohol in a terrible way in the past. I do however want to share some things I’ve been noticing that really don’t sit well with me anymore now that I’m clear headed enough to see them for what they are.

The first is, how okay it is with everyone to hear stories about how obliterated you got and nearly killed yourself or did something completely morally apprehensive or risky.

People think it’s absolutely hilarious to hear how you were so inebriated on the weekend, or at the holiday party that you could barely function. If someone were recounting a story about how messed up they got on any other drug other than alcohol (think cocaine or MDMA) we might express our concern to them and maybe tell them to be more careful in the future. But with alcohol? No way, party on Garth.

Second, is how much alcohol has stolen our ability to create meaningful experiences without it. Alcohol is everywhere, it’s a part of nearly every occasion. We drink when we’re happy, we drink when we’re sad, we drink when we’re bored and we drink to relax.

Why is everything better with alcohol? Is it because we’ve all gotten so lazy with our imaginations that we don’t know how to entertain ourselves anymore? Is it because we have such short attention spans that regular paced, fresh minded activity is unbearable?

I’ll tell you one thing for sure, if you want to feel boredom- be the only sober person in a room of people drinking just to get drunk. That will give you some insight into the quality of drunk conversation and activity.

Do you remember a time when you were young enough that you didn’t drink to have fun? Do you recall experiences, like going to the beach or over to a friends house, that were fully, consciously lived through?

I won’t lie to you, I forgot. I forgot that life is actually not disappointing without the lubrication of alcohol. I forgot that you can be silly and fun without alcohol. I forgot about imagination and what ifs and happiness that wasn’t greased up by booze.

Being sober is like rediscovering the world.

I now feel so sad that I used to feel the need to constantly escape from reality. And if you had told me that was what I was doing about 12 months back I would have denied it vehemently.

We are all collectively numbing and escaping. We live in a world that’s continually on and in our faces, and surprisingly it’s making us less and less present.

While there is so much more information on mindfulness available to us, it’s like we can barely handle our own emotions anymore.

It’s hard to consciously shape your life and become the person you want to be when you’re constantly recovering from a hangover. It’s like trying to keep up with a conveyor belt of choices that’s moving a bit too fast and easily overwhelms you.

I believe not drinking has forced me to slow down and to open my eyes more. To look around and see how easy it is to fall into the trap of binge drinking weekly and letting your life slip by.

I was pretty surprised to find out the definition of heavy drinking. According to Statistics Canada, heavy drinking is reported to be drinking 5 or more drinks (4 for women) in one sitting, 12 or more times a year. A whopping 32 per cent of Canadians aged 20 to 34 binged 12 times in the past year.

That’s only once a month. HA!
I would have called that light drinking over a year ago!

An article in Prevention Magazine stated that (in the US) more than 38 million people reported binge drinking 4 times a month (weekend warriors). That’s “heavy drinking times four.

Wow.

And the scary part is, it’s increasing like crazy; especially among women. Binge drinking has increased at a rate seven times that of men. 20% of women who binge drink will meet the criteria for Alcohol Use Disorder, which is the fancy new term for alcoholism.

This kind of drinking is one of the main reasons for the rising rates of infertility which is now at 1/6 couples in Canada.

I’ll admit it-I was an alcoholic.

It wasn’t the blackouts that scared me enough to stop, it wasn’t the increased risk in heart disease or high blood pressure or even the smoking that always seemed to go along with the drinking.

It was the almost losing someone I loved dearly because of my poor judgment while drinking.

Because I was raised in what you might call a broken home and I still watch my mother waste away slowly from alcohol and drug abuse, family has become my number one focus in life.

I want to break the cycle of alcohol use and abusive relationships in my family, and part of that means changing the way I view alcohol. It means changing the way I raise my children to view alcohol.

Alcohol is awesome. It can be refined and delicious (I love a glass of good red wine) and even have health benefits- for sure.

But the truth is alcohol needs more respect, and so do our lives.

Alcohol shouldn’t be tossed into the mix just because it can. It should be used as a complement to our experiences and not the be the centre of them.

The less I drink, the less I care to be around people who are sloppily tossing them back.

I don’t want my future baby around that either. I want my kids to grow up full of wonder for the world and not feel like when they hit a certain age that drinking should become one of the top activities in their lives.

I don’t want our family dinners and events to become soaked in booze like mine were.

I don’t want my children to have painful feelings they feel trapped by that they try to escape from by drinking weekly.

I don’t want my children to feel like they NEED alcohol to unplug and relax.

I want my children to have clear heads, to learn how to sit with their emotions and process them rather than shove them away and drown them.

I don’t want to make excuses for my drunk friends and family to my children. But the sad truth is, I will probably have to. Because there’s always that one drunk relative who gets too emotional, or that one friend that starts saying something inappropriate. And if I am the one to call everyone’s drinking into question, then I’m the prude and I’m judgmental and uptight.

Like I said, I think alcohol is great- and sure there will be times when we all dip into the sauce a little too heavily. What I’m getting at here is that I just think it’s already a bit much.

I’m craving more real life, and I’m super excited to spend early evenings and early mornings with a tiny little rugrat that’s naturally silly and goofy and doesn’t yet feel self-conscious enough to require a drug to enjoy a weekend afternoon.

Most of what I’m expressing here is a reflection of my own experience, how I have viewed life and why I have already spent so many years drinking so much.

If you feel judged by this post, I’m not sorry. It probably means you should have a conversation with yourself about why you feel that way.

After I have this precious little miracle baby, I fully intend to enjoy a few glasses of wine a week and maybe two on some occasions.

If you’d ever like to join me for a sober conversation come and find me on Facebook.

I have a private Facebook community called Radiant & Ready with Milli Fox full of women preparing themselves body, soul and mind for healthy pregnancies and healthy lives.

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Tapping Into Femininity & The Path to Motherhood {Video}

Tapping into Femininity & The Path to Motherhood

Do you really know how to be feminine? 

I don’t ask you this as a challenge or an insult- I really want you to think about it. Do you know how to sink into your feminine and just radiate that energy?

This has been one of my biggest missions in life.  I have fought femininity for years, and I don’t mean heels and lipstick.  I mean I fought the idea of the feminine and feminine energy as a result.

I was confused. I thought feminine meant less respect; I thought it meant being dependant and weak.  I wanted to be in the boys club and I wanted to run shit. I wanted to get things done and be a boss. I was proud to have a tom-boy attitude.

It wasn’t until my husband told me that he was finding my energy unattractive that I really started to dig into it. It took me a long time.  At first I was really hurt and insulted- I thought it was an outward thing.  I thought I needed to be more “girly” in order to be more feminine- but I was TOTALLY missing the mark.

The world is over-run by the masculine right now.

It’s really unfortunate that the world isn’t sending love to the feminine because the world needs femininity so badly right now, it needs the healing powers of the feminine, and it needs the cool, soft, flowy, relaxed, taking care of, holding space energy SO SO badly!!!

Right now, the world is getting a lot of lovelier versions of men.

I am NOT saying that women shouldn’t hone their masculine energy and use it to their advantage (they totally should- I use mine everyday).  What I am saying is that understanding the role of each of your energies in your life is crucial.

Understanding how to receive, how to open and how to be still are all incredibly feminine qualities.

I’ve been on a personal quest to increase my YIN energy and its made my life so much better. If you constantly feel stressed and anxious- there is a good chance you need more time sinking into your feminine as well.

A lot of the reason I’ve wanted to dive into and talk about the feminine is because I never had a good role model for what femininity looked like.  My mom was, in many ways, very masculine as I was growing up and I feel like as a child and as an adult I yearn for that comfort.

I want to be able to offer that to my children the feminine that I never had- and that’s why I want to share a bit more with you about it. 

I also have created an 8 minute guided femininity relaxation for you as an action step to getting started on your feminine rediscovery 🙂 I’m really excited about it and I hope you LOVE IT! 

Click below to watch my latest video & make sure to grab your free Femininity Guided Relaxation for afterwards!!!

 

LADIES!!!!

I am just beyond happy to have the privilege to be in contact with you as often as I am and to be able to share my message with you.  I think it would be EVEN cooler, if I had the chance to get to know you on a deeper level.  I would really love it if you came to my private Facebook community: Radiant & Ready with Milli Fox.  In the group, we cover all things body, soul and mind to prepare for when its time!

Click here to join the group!

And if you didn’t already know, I offer FREE 20 minute preconception health coaching calls– we can get into depth about what your next step should be in preparing your best baby-making body!  I can help you cut the confusion and find confidence on your quest to better health before pregnancy.

All you have to do is click below and BOOM- you can book in a free call and I’ll be all yours for 20 minutes!

Lots of Love,

Milli Fox

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How I Cracked Open: Healing & Self-Love on the Path to Motherhood

How I Cracked Open

 

How I cracked open.

Oh that sounds so vague and ooey gooey. What does cracked open even mean?

I used to hear this language and think it was so inaccessible and too abstract. That’s because it was inaccessible to me at the time. I wasn’t there yet and I wasn’t ready.

I couldn’t crack open because I didn’t know exactly what it was that I was holding onto so tightly.

I’ve spoken before about My Story and how I spent so many years reading self-help books and getting nowhere. I’ve realized that it’s because I was only skimming the surface and I was spiritually bypassing all of my real raw human emotions.

I was running from them weekly by numbing myself with alcohol or a variety of other distractions and outlets.

I wasn’t able to crack into myself until I learned that none of the self-help books would help me and I really started paying attention to myself. I started to witness all of my emotions and acknowledge them.

 

CLICK HERE-selflove

 

You might think you already do witness your emotions because you feel a lot of things. Maybe you feel a lot of anger or you feel anxiety or despair. But do you ever dig into those feelings or do you find yourself rushing through them and trying to sweep them away as quickly as you can? 

I know that’s what I did. I thought I could follow a list of neat and tidy principles and get past all the wounds that I’d been carrying with me.  But it’s just not a thing.

I’m not saying it’s necessary to sit in a chair and discuss every detail of your childhood- quite the opposite, in fact.

I’m talking about being in the present moment and paying attention to each emotion and allowing it’s full life span to play out inside of you. Let it wash over you and come to a peak and just breathe into it. Then ask yourself what the source of it was- but don’t stress too hard about finding it.

If you honour your emotions and use them as a guide book, you’ll find that they have a lot less power to take you and have their way with you. Give them the space they need and the attention they deserve and you’ll find you have a wonderful compass at your disposal any time you need it. 

I personally took a long time to get to this place. It was a combination of adding and subtracting many things from my life that allowed me to have the mental space required to witness my own thoughts. And to be honest, I still have moments where my emotions throw me around like a rag doll.

One of the most important things I did to get to a place of honouring my emotions was to stop drowning myself in booze. Now, you don’t necessarily have to be an alcoholic, or even use alcohol to be drowning your emotions.  There are plenty of ways you can numb yourself.  Look around and see what “substances” you might be using.

The next thing I did was I start meditating daily which wasn’t easy, but I started with 10 minutes a day with a guided meditation app called Headspace. I wrote another post about why you should at least give it a fair shot here.

I also started doing yoga. At first I did it because I just couldn’t handle the energy of the gym anymore, but once I realized the real purpose and the power of yoga I really began to feel it was perfect for me. I started to understand that emotion and trauma and tension are stored in our muscles and in our bodies. I also crave the YIN energy of the practice. I suppressed my femininity for so many years because I thought feminine equaled weak. That’s a whole other blog post though!

Now when I have feelings bubbling up in yoga when I’m in a challenging pose I can be thankful that they’re finding a way out of me. In the beginning of my practice I thought it was my frustration about the pose being difficult. However, once I learned the emotional power of yoga to connect to yourself- I embraced these waves. Now, I cry pretty much every yoga session because I’ve got a lot of stuff to release.

I actually cry a lot, pretty much everyday, for many different reasons. Sometimes it’s overwhelming sadness, but a lot of the time it’s relief, it’s thankfulness and it’s joy. I feel like crying right now because I’m so happy I can write a post like this and really truly mean it!

I follow a lot of self-help type gurus online and I’ve read a few posts from women who’ve said things like I just did. Talking about how they cracked open and now they’re so sensitive all the time and I would think to myself: Ugh why would you want to do that? Crying sucks and it’s so bad and embarrassing.

While it may be a bit embarrassing if you’re in public-who actually cares!!

You know how people say when you let your light shine you give people permission to do the same? Well when you honour your emotions and let them flow you also give other’s permission to do the same. And when you’re like me and you’ve held so much in for so long, you’re just so grateful to let it all go that the embarrassment doesn’t hold a candle to the relief you feel!

 

CLICK HERE-selflove

 

I’m the type who’s always putting pressure on myself. Pressure to achieve, pressure to heal, pressure to do it faster.

So I can understand how it might not sound so appealing when I say that no one can tell you how to heal. I’m sure it would be easier with a proven system, but thats not how life works. No one can ever give you the exact list of tools you need to do what needs to be done. When you get to a place in your life where it’s no longer and option to stay where you are and you surrender, (as in you give up resistance and trying to control) you will find the tools and you will find the path. You just have to ask for it and keep your eyes open.

I’m so hell bent on my journey because I need to do this for my babies. I need to break a cycle of pain between mothers and daughters in my family. And I know I’m well on my way.

I’m healing on my path to motherhood and I know I’ll continue healing through the incredible emotions coming my way when I am a mother.

I’d love for you to come and join me and share part of your path in my private Facebook community: Radiant & Ready with Milli Fox

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Why You Should Give Meditating a Fair Try

I sat on a rock and meditated beside the ocean yesterday.

There’s still a part of me that wants to make fun of myself for even writing that sentence.

For years I tried to meditate always kinda knowing it was good for me but never really feeling “successful” at it so I just kept giving it up. I had this idea that I had to get “good” at it in order for it to be of any use to me.

I also kinda thought I was “trying” to be somebody else when I did it; someone I might enjoy making fun of.

It wasn’t until I made a major mistake in my life that almost cost me a lot of things that I love that I started meditating almost everyday.

I did it because I knew I had to. Not really sure why I had to do specifically that, but I just knew I needed to change something in my brain and I felt like meditating would do at least something good.

So, I started with an app- called Headspace with ten minutes a day. After 30 days of 10 minutes a day I moved up to 15 and that’s usually what I do now, with the odd longer guided meditation thrown in there. Sometimes I find one online that I’d like to do.

CLICK HERE-Femininity guided relaxation

I always kind of thought that meditating was supposed to help you turn off your thoughts. Now I understand that it’s not really about that at all. It’s about understanding that you are not your thoughts. The voice in your head is not the core of your being, and you can learn how to stop taking it so seriously.

Meditation helps you create more space in between your thoughts because it helps you release yourself from the grips of overthinking. It helps you appreciate the depth within yourself and possibly feel some kind of deeper connection to the universe.IMG_0627

I’ve always had the problem of overthinking, I think and think and think and think until I’ve come up with the most ludicrous beliefs and made-up possible situations to the point that it starts to influence my behavior.

I’m a big believer that you are the creator of your own reality and if your thoughts shape your beliefs and your beliefs shape your behavior and your behavior shapes your interactions with people in the world then its your thoughts that really have the greatest influence on your reality.

It’s not about getting good at meditating, and its not about trying to be anybody else, just because you associate meditation with a certain type of person. Meditation is a journey of self-discovery and it’s a very personal one.

It’s much deserved, YOU time. And to be honest, sometimes that 10 minutes, which is pretty easy to squeeze in, can feel like hours. It can be the most savory and delicious time of your day. Not for the actual moments that you take but for the peace it affords you throughout the rest of the day.

And consistency here really does matter because we all have some serious patterns built right down into our hardware. If you don’t consistently work on the relationship you have with your thoughts, it’s pretty easy just to slip back into the default.

This applies in SO many situations. No matter what kind of journey your on, its always easier if you can be kind to yourself on the way. If you can work on quieting the internal peanut gallery, you can stay focused on your goals and the journey you’re on.

A very helpful way to think of meditation in the beginning when you first start practicing (and it does require practice- that’s why they call it that), is just as a relaxation exercise.  We all need more time spent in true relaxation and I’m not talking about numbing and vegging out as relaxation. I mean a focused time spent in stillness with yourself.

That’s why I’ve created this free Femininity Guided Relaxation for you to try out.  I believe that as women, we could benefit from tapping into our feminine power and truthfully stillness is a very YIN or feminine quality.  So, I highly encourage you to download the relaxation and give it a try.

CLICK HERE-Femininity guided relaxation

Come on over to my private Facebook community Radiant & Ready with Milli Fox afterwards and let us know how you felt! In the group I share more guided meditations and other things to help you on your path of healing body, soul & mind for when its time.

I look forward to chatting with you more there!

-Milli

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