Have you ever tried to start a diet or a new exercise regime and fell flat on your face? Yea, we all have. You know why? Because will power is not an endless resource, it’s finite. You only have so much of it and you have to choose how to use it wisely. The same thing applies for Fucks.
And what I mean by Fucks, is all the things you spend your mental energy on and all the things you think you should, or actually do care about. I recently read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, by Mark Manson and it was one of the most honest, pull up your damn pants and stop being a little bitch-baby self-help books I’ve ever read.
It taught me a lesson I really needed to learn, and this one is gonna stick.
When Rosen was first born, I read all the books. All the blogs. All the facebook groups. Being a first time mother, I cared infinitely and I wanted to do EVERYTHING the right way. The problem was I was caring too much about things that ultimately don’t make that much of a difference in the long run.
I thought if I obsessed and controlled and ensured, it would make me a good mother. All the while, I was being a crazy ass and actually ended up being a WORSE mother for it. I was stressed and constantly fixating on my plans for perfect motherhood instead of just trusting my own instincts.
I’ve basically been this way my entire life. Perfection to me has always equaled value. If I can produce, I can be worthy of love. I’m still working on letting that go, but on a pretty deep level, I’m starting to understand how much farther from the truth that could actually be.
When you’re spending time trying to appear to be a certain way, you ultimately don’t have enough energy left over to focus on things that actually matter- like being a better wife, daughter, mother, sister etc.
When you spend too much time giving a fuck about how you think you should be doing things, you waste a lot of precious time and energy.
I now consider myself a recovering perfectionist and I’m spending my fucks on things like loving myself more, showing my husband I actually appreciate our relationship, and letting my toddler son be his crazy, messy, unpredictable, incredible, sleep-hating little self.
I’m not even giving a fuck that my writing is hella wordy and that my sentence structure is completely made up.
But seriously girlfriend. You have this one precious life. I have NO IDEA, why it takes most of us, at minimum, 30 plus years to stop giving a shit about what other people think or the so called, right ways of doing things. Like this morning when I snatched the frying pan out of my husband’s hand and told him it was the wrong pan for eggs. Lol. All I know is- you need to let that shit go because it’s one of the only ways to be TRULY fulfilled and enjoy your life.
I think the true recipe for fulfilment and satisfaction on this insane planet is to accept yourself and go forth into the world unapologetically. Do meaningful work and create from your soul. Be grateful for every tiny little thing you have (fun fact: I tell myself all the things I’m grateful for as I fall asleep to avoid the incessant chatter and one thing I often mention is how grateful I am for my soft bed sheets) and remind yourself of how grateful you are DAILY.
Stop giving your fucks away to anyone and everyone. They don’t deserve them. Your Fucks are one of your most valuable resources, right along side your time and your trust. Hang onto that shit for dear life and ration it with caution. I beg of you. And darling, just starting owning it.
I fucking love you.
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